April 12, 2012
Iran Nuclear Talks: A Nuanced Response

I’m going to save you all the opening paragraph of such analyses and get straight to the point. Business Week reports:

"Nuclear negotiations between Iran and the five permanent United Nations Security Council members plus Germany will take place starting April 14 in Istanbul, European Union spokesman Michael Mann said yesterday. U.S. State Department spokeswoman Laura Seal confirmed the plans."

This by the way is only the first round. The report adds:

"Iran’s Supreme National Security Council said in a statement today cited by the state-run Mehr news agency that a second round of talks will be held in Baghdad, the date of which will be announced at the end of the Istanbul meeting."

By now, hundreds of foreign policy wonks have tried their hand at analyzing the upcoming talks. I could waste your time with a new one that seeks to numb your mind with expectations that are entirely hypothetical and already spewed and shown to be grossly incorrect.

I’m going to be honest.

The fact is that there have been countless such talks with results ranging from bitter resentment to outright outrage on both sides. The utter fruitlessness of these endeavors - for the umpteenth time mind you - without anything new to be put on the table by either side, can only elicit this reaction from me:

Hahahahaahah hahahaah hah ahahaha hahahahahaha hahaha hahahaha hahahah ahahhahahahaahahah ahahah haahah haahahahahah haahahahah haahahah haha hah haah hahaahah ha haahah hahahah ahahah hah ha ahah ahahahahahahahah hahahahahahaah haahahahahah haahahahah haahahah haha hah haah hahaahah ha haahah hahahah ahahah hah ha ahahahaha

SERIOUSLY?! AGAIN!? They will do it… AGAIN!?

Hahahahahahaahah hahahah haahah ahahah ahahah haha hah hahahahahahaha hahahah hahahahahaahah hah hh hahahahahaahahahahhahah ahahahahahah hahaahahah hahahaha hahahahah ahahhahahaha hahahah ahahah hahahaa hahahah ahaha hahahahahahah ahahahahahhahahahahahahah ahahaahahahahahahahahah ahahahahah ahahaha a ha hahahaa hahaah ah hah ah hahahahah hah hah

I’ll still be here when the talks are over with no results whatsoever or results that get nullified within a few weeks. I’ll still be here when the same wonks that are telling you something might come out of this or is probably going to, start to weave stories of how even in nothingness, these talks were ‘something’. Or keep trying to make this look like it’s anything but another attempt at making their allies happy by the West and another chance for Iran to buy more time to keep enriching uranium.

I’ll still be here… and I’ll be laughing just as hard.

Your Josh

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